I Don’t Have My Dream Job, Am I A Failure?

Yesterday I woke up determined to run 3 miles. I was also going to: write, finish my February book, and work on my website. I did reluctantly make it to the gym and completed 3 miles for the first time ever in my life. Great, right? Wrong!

I returned home and it was downhill from there. I became a couch potato. I sat around and the longer I sat the lazier I was getting. I didn’t even cook dinner which I truly intended to do. By 6pm I was discouraged because I realized that I had wasted a whole day so in order for all to not be lost I decided to finish my February book.

I opened to page 205 of Jon Acuff’s book, Start and he wrote, “this too shall post.” He was referring to the unglamorous things like failures that people don’t usually post. That was enough to make me cry a little bit in my heart. It wasn’t anything bad but I already felt like a failure for not completing the tasks that I had laid out for myself and here he was talking about failures. To make matters worst, I started to think about everything that I’d ever failed. Why do we do that to ourselves? Maybe not all of us do it but I definitely do

Here I am in my 30s, which have been very good to me thus far. It’s only been 4 years of 30s and I have left some things behind, accomplished some things, picked up some new habits and learned a lot from my 20s but I am still so not where I want to be. I try not to complain and to be grateful to God instead for where I’m at because it is still a good place.

The household needs are being met, I’m venturing into new territory and I’m dreaming big dreams. I also have the perfect little family, (well, nothing in life is perfect) only God is. Sometimes I wonder where my husband came from and other times I want to crush him with love. Sometimes I want to send the kiddos off to some relative in Jamaica so we can get us time but then we would miss them too much. The struggle is real with parenthood. With all that said, There is only one thing that I am ready to change. My j-o-b.

My job is just not ideal right now because I feel I’m out of the season of my life for which that job was ideal and I can tell the grace that God gave me for that season has also run out because I am getting miserable. Now don’t ask me why I haven’t even attempted to find the dream job because I don’t even know.

I do know however, that I have too many excuses. First it was the pregnancy and now that that is over with poor little Alexandrea gets to be the crutch for everything mommy does not complete because  she is too afraid. Instead of searching for a job which stretches me, challenges me and helps me to grow to the next level, I apply for jobs for which I am overqualified because that’s what I’m used to. It’s time I do something about that. It’s time for me to come out of my comfort zone in the job arena. 

Pray for me please but also let’s empower each other ladies. Is there something in your life that you need to accomplish that you haven’t attempted? Let’s get on it!

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